Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hippo gnu deer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
