doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
