New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
