So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
