I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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