I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
