she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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