It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
