if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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