my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
