Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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