Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im holly from the hills drunk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
