I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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