Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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