i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so let's talk penis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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