And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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