that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
