so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
