Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
