when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
