If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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