Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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