Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am midnight drunk by noon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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