I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
