You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
