My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
