I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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