his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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