does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
