But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
