Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
