Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
