You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
