Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
