I'm laying in your front yard are you home
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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