According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
