You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
