are you still at the devil's house?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
