I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
