I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
