I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
