I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
don't judge my taste in strippers
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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