Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
