everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
