whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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