You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
