Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
