6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
