Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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