so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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