BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
