Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
